


of haunted memories and broken boys

by ghostwilbur



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ...., Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Dead Toby Smith | Tubbo, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It was never meant to be, Major Character Injury, Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Meteor, President Toby Smith | Tubbo, References to Depression, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Festival, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, [Tubbo_ hit the ground too hard], meteor showers, this was not a good fic to write considering my current mental state yet here i am, wrote this while listening to yellow by coldplay on repeat, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28590618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwilbur/pseuds/ghostwilbur
Summary: the stars twinkled overheard, the cool air blowing through tubbo's hair.he teetered on the edge of the tower, looking out onto his once great nation.he couldn't bear to see it go again.-please look at the tags before reading !!
Relationships: shaky technoblade bruh
Comments: 16
Kudos: 167





	of haunted memories and broken boys

**Author's Note:**

> tw // suicide, self-hatred, major character death. stay safe !
> 
> what could happen after the festival...

The air was silent, the moon high in the sky.

The only sounds were the soft chirp of crickets and footsteps falling near silent on blackstone, ragged shoes climbing higher up inky stairs with every passing second. 

A compass swings from Tubbo’s hand, the needle broken and pointing downwards. Tubbo found it funny, that he always knew the compass would point him to his destination. 

As he climbed the tower, words washed through his memory, wiping away any good that was still left. 

_ I can't do this right now. _

_ You’re a shit president! _

_ Everyone here is better than you! Even Tommy, even  _ **_Techno,_ ** _ everyone. _

_ The discs were worth more than you ever were! _

Those words were true.

Tubbo stumbled over a step, tripping. It forced him to hurry, and the more the air became colder the more comforted he felt. 

This was it. 

He knew the top of the tower was an instant death, even if you had netherite. The tower was almost as high as block limit, stretching into the sky like a beacon for all those in L’manburg to see. It was a tower of peace, of hope, as it had been there for many eras.

But tonight, it was a place of haunting memories, of broken boys.

There were more steps than Tubbo remembered there was, but he supposed it was simply because the last time he was up here he was running purely on adrenaline and laughter.

Tubbo remembers that fight. He can't remember the last time he laughed. 

That fight was stupid, when they all had something to live for. Arrows nocked and shooting at the DreamTeam, laughter still prominent in the air despite the high stakes of a life threatening situation.

Tubbo laughed to himself at the memory of it; he missed Wilbur's charge, the fun days and happy memories of the days of when L’manburg first banded, the Book of Independance and the Hto Dog van. 

He remembered Wilbur's words of presidency and advice, remembered the days where his friend was not a TNT obsessed maniac but a leader, a friend, a mentor. Someone Tubbo could give his life to and get the same amount of security and comfort in return. 

_ “Whenever no one was watching I’d scream, and cry into my pillow,”  _ Tubbo knew the true meaning of those words now, having been forced into a presidency and expected to do it perfectly. Salty tears dribbled down his face, into the crevices of his lips and the crow’s feet that had not been seen in eons. 

_ “What am I meant to do? How do I do it well?” _ he had screamed into the darkness of the night, and the stars did not answer him back. He did not expect them to.

Tubbo had made it to the top of the tower without noticing, wind whipping through his hair. Rain pelted down like bullets, quickly soaking his suit jacket. He tore it off, leaving him in his pale green undershirt and tie. If Tubbo was to go he would not be found in a president’s outfit, for he did not fulfill the role well enough to be remembered as one. 

HIs tie was red, and as he undid it he was reminded of a bandana he used to wear around his wrist. 

He would never wear it around his wrist again. Even if the matching green one had found its home nestled against the other’s chest, Tubbo couldn't bear to think that way ever again. 

_ The discs were worth more than you ever were. _

He threw his tie off of the edge and watched it be whisked away by the wind, spiraling downwards in an almost graceful fashion. 

Tubbo sighed, and untied the compass that had rested against his hip for as long as he could think. He had noticed that when Tommy had yelled the words that broke their connection forever, it had seemingly snapped. The needle was at a constant downwards, hanging limply. He suspected the other compass looked similar. Whatever magic Ghostbur had crafted into these reflected Tommy and Tubbo’s friendship, and when that broke so did they. 

He wished that this had all never happened. 

If only Tommy and Wilbur didnt have to go and hold that stupid election, then maybe it would be different. 

Then maybe Tommy would still care about Tubbo.

“Fuck. fuck!” Tubbo yelled, slamming his hand on the edge. “Why did you have to say that? Why couldn't you just pretend you still  _ liked me!”  _ he yelled at the stars, praying for them to answer. “Why did you have to go fuck everything up? Fuck our friendship up? Fuck your own life up?!” maybe he wasn;t yelling at the stars, but they were the only things that could've ever replied. 

It seemed the more Tubbo yelled, the more stars started falling; streaking across the sky in blazing whites, blues and reds until there was more light that dark. The wind had picked up, sending rain like needles into his cheeks. The entire sky was alight in colour, basking the buildings and the landscape in glow. 

It reminded Tubbo of fireworks, something he didn't want to be reminded of.

The last festival had been a shitshow, despite properly starting the revolution. He couldn’t recall a time that Tommy and himself had been closer then, the minutes after he had just lost his second life and the two found each other in the tunnels. 

_ “Wilbur said he wouldn’t hurt me!”  _ Tubbo wished he could go and slap his past self in the face. War spares no man. War turns your family into whispers of what they once were, scraping away any shred of familiarity. 

The rain dribbled down his face, mixing in with white hot tears and washing away any positive feelings Tubbo had left. 

He was going to die tonight, and no one was stopping him. 

Tubbo dying meant Quackity would become president, and he felt a lot more people would be happy with that. Quackity was older, mature, and overall more likeable than Tubbo would ever be. 

Who would find his body? Would it be Dream, scouting the area? Would it be Ghostbur, a painfully blissful man, with no worries in the world? God forbid it would be Tommy.

Would Tommy even care?

Tubbo climbed onto the ledge, nearly losing his balance immediately. He didn’t want to fall yet. He still had his parting words. 

“...Tubbo? What are you doing up here?”

“Hello, Tommy. How’d you find me?” Tubbo said, closing his eyes and curling his fingers. This wasn;t what he planned to happen. No one was meant to try and stop him.

“Your tie was caught on my- get off the ledge,” realisation had seemingly hit Tommy in the chest, winding him.

“No. you see, Tommy...this is what’s best for L’manburg, for everyone. For  _ us,”  _ Tubbo laughed, turning around and opening his eyes.

Tommy made a noise of distress, mouth gaping. “Your eyes..”

“They’ve been like this for a while, yeah,” Tubbo remembers opening his eyes one day and finding they had started losing their colour. He didn’t care. 

Ghostbur had taken one look at them and decided that he would give Tubbo blue to “fix them” every hour. Tubbo had snapped and thrown the blue away.

He hadn't seen Ghostbur since. 

“Tubbo..why..why are you..” Tommy was seemingly lost for words, for the first time ever. 

“Tommy, you heard Dream. Everything would be better off without me,” Tubbo smiled, but his eyes didn’t. Tubbo’s eyes were as inky as the dying sky behind him, the stars still falling but less bright than before.

“That’s not true! Please, tubbo, I-”

“And I'm worth less than the discs ever were, aren't I? And the discs.. the discs are worthless. What does that make me?”

“I didn't mean it like that!”

“Then how did you mean it, Tommy?”

“Not like that, okay! I didn’t even mean to say it out loud,”

“So it’s what you were thinking?”   
  


“No! I mean..”

“That’s all i have to hear, Tommy. If you could just go back the way you came, please…” Tubbo didn’t want this to be harder than it had to be.

“I’m not leaving you up here alone!” Tommy yelled, and lightning struck. It illuminated Tommy’s features, highlighting the blue in his eyes like electricity. 

“Tommy, I'm aware you know of Eret, and what he did. I’m sure you’ll know what I mean when I say this,” 

“No, wait- please!” 

He smiled sadly, holding the compass up to his chest. “It was never meant to be,” 

Tubbo let himself fall backwards and off the edge. 

* * *

They say when you're about to die your life flashes before your eyes.

That line is bullshit. Tubbo didn’t see his life. All he remembered was a single stupid memory, of when he had lost his footing on a high place and screamed out “ _ catch me!”,  _ praying Tommy heard. It was a second’s timing, of water being placed and relieved yells of happiness. 

“Catch me,” he whispered, and shut his eyes. 

[Tubbo_ hit the ground too hard].

**Author's Note:**

> yeah if i was tubbo lets just say i would not have survived getting berated like that by EVERYONE there eye
> 
> comments are extremely appreciated !! :D


End file.
